thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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