i jhust puked up my retainher.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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