Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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