Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
We were destined to go to rehab together
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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