Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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