it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Randomize
