The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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