Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
