I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
