the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
you told grandpa to call you daddy
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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