I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
