how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
