Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
