I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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