no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
