I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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