Taylor Swift is so right about you.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
