I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Randomize
