I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
