Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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