Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
barbara walters just said penis...
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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