my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
