So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
