ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
