I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
one two three fourrrrnication!
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
