my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
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