genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
