but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
