i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
