Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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