How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
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