i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
