The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Your penis caused this!
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