Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
