How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
