wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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