My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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