You're so nebulous sometimes
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
