is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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