why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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