I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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