Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
