Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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