didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
