This dress was meant to end up on your floor
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
