Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
