Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
