How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
