i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Drunk walkin through police station. America
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
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