Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
